Earlier this month, the interwebs exploded over a Christian blogger’s decision to no longer wear leggings or yoga pants in public because her husband whined at her about “inspiring lust in other men” whilst wearing said yoga pants at the farmer’s market (this is probably the whitest sentence I’ve ever written). As a person with almost zero religious background who tries her best not to be an asshole about other people’s religious preferences, here are my thoughts:

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4) The day my significant other feels comfortable effectively forbidding me from wearing a specific type of clothing will be the day that he is no longer my significant other (and yes, I’m taking the dog.)

5) The post details that he’d prefer if she didn’t wear them at all in public, including to the gym. WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO WEAR TO THE GYM? We know shorts are off the menu- who knows what could happen if another man saw her bare calf during the course of normal human exercise motions? Is he pushing for legitimate sweatpants here? Has he ever tried to run in sweatpants and experienced the resulting Texas-sized pool of crotchsweat and/or actual brushfire burning in his nethers from vigorous sweatpantleg-on-sweatpantleg friction? PSA: Don’t set your crotch on fire. Don’t run in sweatpants. (And if you are aware of a non-leggings, non-shorts, non-sweatpants workout pant option, please leave it in the comments.)

6) If seeing a woman buying tampons at CVS in leggings and a sweatshirt “sets you off”, you’re gonna cry like a baby when you see your first boob. They aren’t red satin nipple tassels. They’re pants. There’s legs and a butt and some ladyparts under them, just like other pants. Maybe this is because I was born in 1990, but I’m having trouble picturing a type of pants from this decade that don’t AT LEAST suggest the presence of a butt within.

7) Does the “yoga pants make you a godless skank, Jessica” rule also apply to other types of form fitting clothing? How does The Great Ruler Of The House feel about skinny jeans? Shirts where you can see that there’s a body underneath that might have some boobs on it? PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT I CAN WEAR I’M FEELING SO INCREDIBLY LOST

8) Leggings are a miracle garment. They are comfortable as all fuck, still fit after I’ve eaten 3.75 pizzas, and are perfect for any type of weather that I, as a Floridian, am likely to experience. Wear them or don’t wear them, but remember that a) you can do whatever you want b) neither choice makes you a better person than anyone else c) if your controlling-ass husband starts stealing your yoga pants and wearing them around the house himself, he was probably just jealous of your booty and you should make him buy his own.

Personally, you can pry mine off my corpse. I probably won’t need them in hell anyway, where I’ll spend eternity for inspiring too much lust during my Sunday morning saltines/Gatorade/Blowfish for Hangovers Wawa adventures.

Leggings: Carly’s Into That.