Gentlemen, have you been unlucky in love? Still single after many failed attempts at dating? Can’t figure out how to hide your shitty personality long enough to successfully interact with even one human female? Do you think that women are vapid, gold-digging bitches who get off on “putting you in the friendzone”, even when you have CLEARLY demonstrated that you are willing to be in a relationship with them? Never fear, Prince Charming! Now there’s a website just for guys like you: WhatsYourPrice.com. Read More
(Don’t worry, ladies. Only half of this post will be spent gently teasing you for your wedding board.)
In 2010, I was a sophomore in college in the early stages of my psychology coursework. For me, this translated to long nights at the library/at my desk/in my bed, sitting on the computer, trawling for anything to do other than study. Just when I thought I’d perused the entire corner of the Internet reserved for slacking assholes like myself, someone invented Pinterest: a haven of easy, fun, instantly rebloggable internet garbage (I use this term lovingly) that one can categorize and display in any way she sees fit.
I was in trouble. I didn’t even pretend to study for weeks. I was losing friends, alienating family, and sacrificing all meaningful relationships that threatened to jeopardize my constant perusal of “Easy!!! Chocolate Chip Cookie Ice Cream Bowls!!!” After the intervention (in which my loved ones disguised themselves as Homemade 3-Ingredient Rosemary-Lavender Skin-Soothing Aromatherapy Footscrubs, crept up behind me, and set fire to my computer with a blowtorch), I am now able to see Pinterest for what it really is: the most unintentionally hilarious social media site out there. At any given moment, you will find all of the following posts on your Pinterest homepage: Read More
Last night, for the first time in over a month, my #WineWednesday partner-in-crime was too busy with work (what’s that like?) to help me celebrate our favorite weekly holiday. Instead of crying about it (I totally cried about it), I’ve elected to channel my pain into a celebration of wine. O Sauvignon, O Sauvignon, how grapey are your glug glugs?
Wine: how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Let me begin by saying that I often take greater pleasure from a solid hatewatch than I do from genuinely enjoying a good movie (e.g.: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus; the complete works of M. Night Shyamalan; my homemade pornography (KIDDING) (sorry mom)). Thus, I was incredibly excited by all of the terrible reviews of the 50 Shades of Grey movie. I built it up in my head; I imagined how embarrassingly bad some of the scenes could be in movie format; I soaked myself in the internet’s outrage like a hot bath. I brought my boyfriend. I purchased a shotglass of Sauvignon Blanc from the movie theater bar for $37. I was ready.