Hello, and welcome to my own personal hell of my own making a LIVE, THREE-HOUR-LONG episode of The Bachelorette. The only sign that any mercy remains in this world is that after this live, three-hour-long episode of The Bachelorette, this beige-ass snorefest will f i n a l l y be over. To the NSA: if you’re reading this and you ever need to torture me– please– please choose any method other than a live, three-hour-long episode of The Bachelorette.

Okay! Here we go! We’re in the Maldives!!

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