Hey, you there! Yes, you- sitting at your computer wearing sweatpants, Cheeto dust, and a blank stare.

• Is your body the shape, color, and consistency of a forgotten cantaloupe?
• Do you long for the days when your body will no longer be cantaloupe-shaped, but instead: toned, tanned, sexually irresistible, and outfitted in the most impeccable designer gymwear?
• Do you want to achieve these results with little to no change in your diet/exercise/4-day-Netflix binge habits?
• Do you lack even the most basic logic and reasoning skills necessary to make an intelligent consumer decision?
• I put $1000 in one of Kate Upton’s old bras and glued it to your ceiling. Did you look?

If you answered yes: DO WE HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU!!! Read More