A Better Shade Of You

I listen to Pandora a lot- in the car, at my desk, in the shower, at the gym. Despite the fact that it’s essentially my sole music source, I refuse to pay $4 a month for a service that will not allow me to permanently opt out of any and all songs that are sung, collaborated on, or in any way touched by Ellie Goulding. She could sing a heartwarming rendition of our country’s national anthem and I would still throw up. Give me a “No More Of This Bitch” button and I’d pay $8 a month. YOUR MOVE, PANDORA.


Because I am cheap and somehow under the illusion that I am sticking it to Pandora by continuing to use the free version of their service rather than the paid one, I hear approximately 2 ads per 4 songs. I am confident that by 2016, Pandora will be solely an ad-streaming software, with paid members receiving up to 4 songs per hour. The ads are targeted based on your age, gender and music taste. Pandora  has (correctly) pegged me as a basic-ass bitch, because the only 3 stations I listen to anymore are Third Eye Blind, Beyoncé, and Rihanna’s “Birthday Cake”. Over the last month, I’ve been hearing the same ad for Palm Beach Tan roughly 4x per day.

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