Cutouts: Our Nation In Peril

Last week I turned 26, which means that within 14 days, every person who I have ever met will be married except for me. This is fine! I love weddings, because I love love, my friends, and when other people pay for me to drink champagne until I cry.

Lately, I’ve been using Rent The Runway for my formal dress needs. It’s an incredible service; I’ve paid a fraction of the retail price to wear gorgeous designer dresses for the weekend. But, in typical Carly fashion, I’m starting to Catholic-guilt myself out of paying $40-ish rental fees for a dress that I’ll never get to wear again.

I’ll be attending a beach wedding in 3 weeks, so I’ve been on the hunt for something short, fun, and that makes me look like I’ve been on the GOOP diet since I was 2 years old. With these criteria in mind, I made my way to several non-RTR dress purveyors.

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SkinnyMint Teatox

Hey, you there! Yes, you- sitting at your computer wearing sweatpants, Cheeto dust, and a blank stare.


  • Is your body the shape, color, and consistency of a forgotten cantaloupe?
  • Do you long for the days when your body will no longer be cantaloupe-shaped, but instead: toned, tanned, sexually irresistible, and outfitted in the most impeccable designer gymwear?
  • Do you want to achieve these results with little to no change in your diet/exercise/4-day-Netflix binge habits?
  • Do you lack even the most basic logic and reasoning skills necessary to make an intelligent consumer decision?
  • I put $1000 in one of Kate Upton’s old bras and glued it to your ceiling. Did you look?


If you answered yes: DO WE HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU!!! Read More