The RompHim™

This morning I saw a peculiar Kickstarter project making its rounds online: The RompHim™ (unofficial slogan: Because Anything Women Have, Men Should Also Have Or Else That’s Not Fair.)

Per their website: “Is it a romper designed for men? Sure. But it’s also pretty damn comfortable, and it may just be the start of a fashion revolution.”

no

While the RompHim may be just another addition to the list of hilarious and needlessly gendered products, like sunscreen, bath bombs, and ass wipes, it got me thinking: what if “romper” is just too generic of a term? How could anyone really wear a romper with a name that hasn’t been tailored to perfectly fit them??

And so, to complement the RompHim, I will be creating a full line of custom rompers, including but not limited to the following:

Romper for women with children: Momper
Romper for churchgoers: Psalmper
Romper for a Romantic-period German composer/pianist: Brahmper

JohannesBrahms.jpg

“Yes… yes, the floral pattern will do just fine.”

TSA-disapproved romper: Bombper (with limited-edition clover-print Carbombper for St. Patrick’s Day!)
Romper for when you’re feeling slightly unsure, uneasy, or fearful: Qualmper
US Western-Pacific island territory romper: Guamper

 

guam.JPG
Romper for guys who say “Oh, please, Thomas is my dad”: Tomper
Romper for guys who say “Oh, please, Thomas is my dad”, who also enjoy creeping around after dark and looking in other people’s windows: Peeping Tomper
spic.jpg

Romper for a round, red fruit that tastes okay but is too much of a pain in the goddamn ass to spend $3 on because it’s at least 97% seeds: Pomper
Romper to wear on a first date when you know you lookin’ good as fuck: Aplombper
Super-old, super-racist South Carolinian Senator’s romper: Stromper

jeff.jpg

This is him, right? I can’t tell these various shitbags apart and I refuse to try.

-Romper for someone who enjoys consensually tying up and spanking others: Domper (wear one to the sex dungeon!)
-Romper for the undead: Zombper

zom.jpg

“Oh. My. God. I hope they have the turquoise in my size!”

Some of you may think all these specifications are unnecessary, and maybe you’re right. But give me 6 months to get my trademarks in order, and then tell me you feel comfortable showing up in Hanoi without wearing a Capital of Vietnamper!

Skies out, thighs out, y’all. GET READY TO ROMP-LLLLLLLLE!

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s